It's been a little over 24 hours since news broke of the worst mass shooting in US History. Every morning, when I wake up, I lay in bed and do a brief skim of the news of the day, before starting my day. I noticed on Monday morning an alert about a shooting in Vegas. I was half asleep, and paid no mind to it. I then did my daily social media check and saw that not only was there a shooting, there was a mass shooting. Shock, disgust, and how did this happen AGAIN, went through my head. The feeling of being numb to this type of news ran through my body. Hatred filled my mind, because I felt numb to the news. Why, why, why was all I kept asking.
Now let's rewind to the night prior. Sunday night was a somewhat normal night. We had a lazy Sunday. Typically, on Sunday nights, we watch football or something pretty light hearted. Well, as we were skimming the guide, one show caught our attention, Active Shooter: Colorado Movie Theater Shooting (or something like that). What's weird is my husband knows that real crime drama shows cause me intense anxiety and inability to sleep. However, he was intrigued and we both got sucked in. After the show, we started talking about mass shootings. It was a hard conversation to have. The documentary highlighted what everyday people and first responders do in an active shooter situation. We had the conversation of what we would do. All I kept thinking is no matter what, I wouldn't want to be separated from my husband in a situation like that. If I died, I would want him by my side.
Now, all that keeps filling my head is how many people lost their husband, wife, or loved ones and in such a tragic manner. How many husband's and wive's told their significant other to escape only to be gunned down themselves. How many goodbye's that never got said. My heart absolutely breaks.
Last week, was my first week in my new car. Part of the new car package was a Sirius XM radio subscription. I've previously had Sirius and was happy to have it again. Well, during my commute back and forth to the gym on Thursday, Buzz from the Highway was chatting with a woman on the phone who said she was excited to see them at the Route 91 Harvest Music Festival. On Saturday and Sunday, I listened to the live broadcast from the festival. Now, I can't help wondering, what happened to the lady on the phone. Is she okay? She's a stranger, who I've never met, but to hear her excitement for her weekend in Vegas, that now probably has turned into nightmares and anxiety (at best) and at worst injuries or death, breaks my heart.
I keep running through my head, that this could of been me, my husband, my friends, my family. We love country music, we love traveling. I was preparing to ask my husband if we could go to the festival next year. I try not live in the panic and fear the world. But it's hard to feel like you can trust anyone any more. A simple beep of the horn at someone who almost hit you in traffic, can turn into a gun shot. A trip to the grocery store, can end badly. It's scary to see how close to home these shootings have become. The Mother Emanuel shooting was right next door to my office at the time (and I was the last one there late that night). The Fort Lauderdale Airport shooting happened three weeks to the day that we flew in and out of that terminal. I just can't help but live in fear. Anxiety protrudes my mind and makes it hard to sleep. I want to live in a world that mass violence and terrorism aren't a daily occurrence. I want to bring children into a world where they can go to school and my only worry is if someone pushes them in the hallway, not shoots them.
I grieve for the 59 people who went to a concert and never came home. To the people who walked out the door of their house, with kids, pets, and family inside, never to return. I celebrate those who risked everything to ensure a fellow human was safe. I applaud the law enforcement and first responders who responded to the scene and probably still have yet to get more than a hours sleep. To the doctor's who went into auto pilot and just tried to save as many lives as possible knowing that the odds were stacked against them. I celebrate the people who held the hands of strangers so they didn't have to die alone.
These are just my thoughts as I process all that has occurred. An event that occurred thousands of miles away, yet feels like it occurred in my own backyard.
Haley Parler Moore
Charleston resident. Digital Marketer. Crazy Crossfitter. Bulldog Mom. Wife. Gamecock fan. Constantly clad in Lululemon.